Curhat

Again its just me, telling the story about my self, in my own blog.

Here's the thing. I have so many friends that I can hangout with. But something has changed.

I remember when in 1st semester I was very shy about having good/bad people (whatever that means) as my friends. So I thought. I was therefore a studious person and didnt like to hangout after class is missed or like touring to Sikunir in Dieng Wonosobo, I just deny it. Since I met her I grew to become confident. And in that time there are times when you meet someone and you just naturally vibe with that person, to the point that every time you’re in that person’s company you’re comfortable. Her name is Nabila. Nabila is a few weeks younger than me, and we both share a lot of the same experiences and interests, and everything just meshed til now. Because of she has a lot of friends, she taught me how to become confident, how to just be yourself, just do it what you want. I’ll do it what she says and tada her friends become mine haha lol. Like Hanif, Dipet and mostly the Senior (kashend, kacit, karima, kavivi, kaadul, kaagus, etc..) Me and Nabila we were tight, we always stick together.

Around the middle of 2nd semester, I have many friends and build a large social circle for themselves. It all began when I started to celebrate my birthday. Despite of only Nabila Haning and Kashendi that gave me a birthday surprise, I still treating them all, I mean the boys (check out my instagram for the list). Well actually before this treating, I want to tell you something about my opinion why the boys are so close to me. Maybe because my kostan has no rules about everything and anything. I can go back to kostan anytime I want even if the gate was locked so I opened it with my own key, all GreenHouse ladies has a key, we can duplicate it. And I kinda of person that easly to take me to go out somewhere, I would like to say YES, always, everytime they’re ask me to go.

As time went on, for the past 4 semesters, I’ve enjoyed a lot, but I realize that my friends (the boys) right now is little bit keep distance on me. It all began in 5th semester. I knew that they’re moved to another kostan for a reason, but they shouldn’t forget me because of that duh. It’s like they’re moved and get into new environment and make them feel comfortable about what they had now. I’m a loyal and royal person, when you and me are having a strong bond, feels like something just so right and ofc I consider you as one of my best friend and I’ll do everything and anything to keep the strong bond because you’re my best friend and I supposed to do that. It hurts when I turned out that you guys not feel the same way as I am. I’m a woman and maybe for all of this it’s to much and kind of lebay you think. But that’s me, that’s really who I am. It looks like I sacrifice my self just for me and it’s nothing for us, you never see it and feel it. Just like a wind through in front of your eyes. I know I’m selfish but sometimes I want you to just do the same like I did to you. Not just for 3 of you but many. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why we drifted a part, but eventually I was able to understand they’re still my best friends.

Like everyone, I’ve now come to accept it as a part of life. I had to accept the fact that even though today was just like any other day since you’re moved and I’m getting bored it sucks bcs of that. I missed the moment where we used to visit you in kostan just for suprising you guys. Really, I mean a lot. I dont know what’s happening with us on a day to day basis and that’s okay bcs our friendship served a particular purpose for a limited timed. Bcs we have our own business and I hope those memories will always be special.

What I learned from this is anytime you bond with someone and that bond is broken or little bit not binding, you’re going to hurt. That’s why right now I keep my strong bond only with the girls (just a couple of them) bcs I knew that they’re keep the strong bond too for us as a goodness sake.

What these experiences have taught me is that some people are only put in your life for a season, and eventually that season will come to an end. It’s as simple as that. Here are a few of my takeaways from friendships that have come and gone like my older post that I was wrote about it in this blog.

As human beings, we bond with people and form friendships in all sorts of place. I found these bond people when I graduated from High School. When I studied abroad in Purwokerto, exactly. What most I dont  foresee to expected; however, is the effect “climate change” can have on these relationships. This was my experience with the boys. Once they left the atmosphere of our relationship the climate of our’s has changed. But I realize sometimes it’s not the climate-it’s the connection between the people that diminishes. Somewhere when they’re go and meeting new people and starting to date, the connection that once made us inseparable began to diminish. They began to make friends with people whom I really know so well and began to participating in things that I wasn’t cool with it-this put a WEDGE BETWEEN US shoo, you know there’s 2 side in my class, THE BOYS and THE GIRLS.  I hate it so bad argh!

Months later, we still attempted like this and that’s the reason I wrote this thing, I need some space that can take in my thought’s cause I don't know who I supposed to share with. I really compatible with them but I don’t know they’re feel the same way like I did or not. Though it can be a hard pill to swallow, it’s just the way life goes. I missed the old you guys :’(

This is something I struggle with to this day. While I’ve had people in my life who I cared about, but was able to let them go their separated ways, I have a couple of friends who I can’t let go of. Those people are more like family and big brother than just a friend. They’re some people who I could never see myself simply moving on from. This is very tricky for me, bcs they think there is nothing wrong between us, but for me is not simple like this. When they have a problem I always offering some help or just ask to them what’s goin on, but sometimes they’re not stay by my side when I need someone to talk too or I have a hardest situation that make me cry for it like a lot or even they didn’t realize if I have a problem. nah hate you all boys. The girls always stayed by side but I think the girls are not enough, I need to share it with the boys too.

I have so many friends that I cannot count on them all, but I have a few good friends that can count on and they can count on me as well. I’ve found that RECIPROCITY is an essential element for friendships to thrive. Within my current friendships, we build each other up to be the best we can be. My closest circle of friends are mainly composed of people who I believe aren’t just here for a season, and I’m sure they feel the same.

Last but not least As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to keep my circle small but strong